First Month: The Unknown & The Unexpected

Most of the women who have never been pregnant before often are unaware of the fact that they are pregnant in their first month. A lot of analysis and tools are available now days over the internet to find out the date of your conception but you can never avail them unless you know that you are already pregnant. So, we know the how part of the pregnancy but the when part is difficult to establish and by the time you find it you are already pregnant for at least a month.

And I was no different from those women. A month had already passed when I got to know that I was pregnant.

Usually, we ladies are ignorant or turn a blind eye to all those signs and symptoms of pregnancy till the disappearance of our chums. Then the anticipation starts until a urine test confirms that we are pregnant. So, it’s a fact that we ladies often miss all the thrills that the 1^st Month of pregnancy holds.

So, when I got sick and puked my intestines out, I just thought that I might have got food poisoning (ha... how should I know otherwise...). I remember when I told Nilu (a very close friend) about my stomach being upset, she suggested that I might be pregnant, but ‘me being me’, it didn’t make me suspicious of anything (how could I have been suspicious when I had been ditched by destiny before; refer ‘Prior to Pregnancy). Days passed by and my sudden rushes to the restroom became more frequent with massive acidic bouts but I never had nourished the idea of being pregnant.

Days flew by and finally the day came when I realized I had missed my chums. Anticipation rose, hopes were heightened; but I had to wait for another couple of days before I could take the dreaded urine test. That day too arrived and a nervous I walked into the restroom clutching the Pregnancy kit tightly. (I don’t intend to mention the gross details of how I performed the test... let us just say I did it). And I waited for the results.

Minutes passed by and an anxious I was desperately hoping for a positive result. After a long 5 minutes (though it felt like a decade had passed) I looked at the pregnancy test stick, and there it was a faint line stating I was pregnant. Time froze. Tears streamed down my face as I could hardly believe my luck. I was too terrified to believe that I was really (in a huge way) pregnant. So, I kept aside the stick, washed my face, cleaned my eyes properly to remove all traces of sleep and tears and then I looked again at the stick; it still had the line. Now tears of joy filled my eyes as realization struck me that I was pregnant (OMG!!!).

I ran to Sanjeev stick in hand (I was afraid to lose the proof) and woke him up from his slumber shouting ‘I am pregnant’. He too woke up shocked and when he saw the positive sign on the stick, he was over whelmed just like me. He took me in his arms and said, ‘Congratulations. I love you’. I was literally shaking the whole time now, so he relaxed me with soothing sweet nothings.

So, here I was 1 month pregnant being ignorant the whole time. And my journey has just begun. JJJ

N.B: Sanjeev, Nana, Bou, Maa, Nilu, Tushar and Kajal : Guys, thanks a lot for keeping the faith in me.

Sanjeev, Nana, Bou and Maa, thanks seems such a small word for you guys. The whole trip to this phase of my journey was possible for all your soothing words, comforting gestures, unbound affection and unending prayers.

Nilu, thanks a lot for the Red Label. I think you know what I mean.

Tushar & Nilu, thanks for taking us on Dahkineswari temple darshan.

Kajal, thanks buddy for listening to my concerns and woos always and tolerating my pranks and haughty mood.

Prior to being pregnant

Few months after my marriage, when my chums skipped I was ecstatic that I was pregnant but I was not. It was okay then, as we were newly married and the romance was on so we didn't think much about it. But the next month too there wasn't any sign of chums and I had gained a few kilos. This time we thought to go and see a doc. But, believe me thats when the havoc started. The docs I met had their own theory of what might have happened to me and suggested medications, but that didn't help. My body had swelled up like a balloon now and my worried mom paid me a visit. And believe me, she had one look at me and started crying, thats how I looked (I can never forget that day). Her worries were off bounds then and she started to pull strings to find me the best available doc in Hyderabad. And she found him (Oh! Mom, you are just awesome and I love you for that).

The doc after doing a thorough check up (a series of blood tests and an ultrasound) confirmed us that I had PCOS (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome). Now what the **** was PCOS, we had the least idea. So, to put us out of our misery ( or in our case to increase our misery) the doc described PCOS as an infertility constraint. And we all lost hope of me getting pregnant. And was the killer. The doc made me see a gynecologist and between them they started my medication.

Every girl after reaching puberty often wonders when the time will come when she won't get her chums anymore and believe me that had turned to be my nightmare. We (me, Sanjeev, my mom and my mausi) would wait desperately for that time in the month when I was expected to get my chums and when it came we all sighed in relief. And this went for a period of 2 years.

In those two years I heard a lot of things said about my not losing weight and not being able to get pregnant. The words had cut through me then and I don't remember how many days and nights I had spent in shedding tears and blaming myself and sometimes Sanjeev too. But thanks to the love, cooperation and understanding of my parents, Sanjeev and a couple close friends that I made it through them alright.

After that we shifted to Kolkata, there I met another gynecologist who suggested Ovarian drilling surgery. We did it. He then started me on Clomid a fertility drug and asked us to try. But now owing to my previous medications I had lost my interest in sex, the most important concept of trying to be pregnant. I was devastated then. Just think when the doc gave us a go sign, I was mentally and physically shut down, and that was just enough, even then I didn't know what to do and whom to talk to. Talking this to my mom was out of question and friends were absolute no no then whom should I turn to.

Gathering up my courage I called my cousin sister (Kumun Nani) who is quite older to me and I knew she would have a solution and also keep my misery to herself. After talking to her I felt my insecurity drain and I relaxed. Sanjeev and me had long talks that day. And one thing led to another and I was finally able to kick off all those weird thoughts and gave it a try.

But then no one had said how long should you try. I was getting impatient with each passing month and each negative pregnancy test. Even I was said I was not trying enough and that wasn't a good thing to hear (Tushar and Nilu thanks for all that consoling that day.. I really needed them). But I am a Taurean and stubborn to hell as I am, I put up with all that and kept trying.

On September 4th 2010 (can't ever forget the date), I took a home pregnancy test and lo behold it came out positive. When I saw the result I was shaking like a leaf. I couldn't believe my luck at last. I ran to Sanjeev told him and he had just got up from the bed had was shocked. At long last I was pregnant. Yippee!!!!!!!

This is the story prior to being pregnant.

The Great Beginings

From the day I learn't I was pregnant, I am often being asked my family, friends and (you won't believe) in fact total strangers 'how are you feeling?'. I always smile back and reply that  I am fine or good or awesome but that isn't one-tenth of the emotions and sensations that I feel. 


I had often thought of penning down my feelings in the last few months but believe me words and expressions have deserted me when I need them the most. And thats not all, because even these days tiredness as well as laziness have got better of me and my urge to sit back and write has gone down. But as I am nearing the end of my pregnancy  I am wondering if I might lose all those wonderful feelings that I have felt in these 9 months. I know I am nuts as no woman in this world can forget those special sensations and feeling. But me being me, I had to get a grab on my vocab and find back my urge to sit up and pen down those wonderful and special moments. 


But frankly speaking it wasn't only me who wanted this moments journalized but even my hubby Sanjeev wanted the same from me. He had been nagging me forever now to get to writing but again me being me, didn't do anything about that. But thanks Sanjeev, I owe you this and I love you for always being there for me. I also thank my friends Kajal and Tushar for extending their expectation of me to write these sensational moments. Even I can feel my baby kicking with excitement as I am typing now. :)