Third Month: 1st Milestone achieved…

The initial three months are said to be most crucial and in medical terms they are categorized into First Trimester. These are the months when you are overwhelmed by the realization of being pregnant but at the same time you are traumatized with the morning sickness and the acidic bouts that seem to be regular these days.  The very 1^st month goes by, you wondering whether you are going to be pregnant this time or not while the second month goes by in a flicker of anxiety and enchantment but the third month is more awakening and exhausting. Awakening in the sense that you feel all filled up with the maternal instincts that seem to have been absent this long; exhausting because you seem to be puking your intestines out and feeling sick all the time.

With the onset of the third month, there are noticeable mood swings and sudden gust of emotions; emotions like crying without any reason or being questioning oneself about the present state or blaming the partner for being pregnant; and believe me all this are normal (I myself used to cry like a baby and question Sanjeev, ‘why the hell I was crying?’). For partners this might be a bit irritating but you have to be patient, supporting and comforting at the same time. I know it is difficult as I have seen Sanjeev have a hard time to tackle but remember it is us who is taking the burden of bearing the child as well as going through all the hormonal changes within our body. So, guys just take a chill pill and relax as this is just the beginning. ;)

By this time you would probably want to tell the whole world that you are pregnant but in India we have been prejudiced by the society about the evil intentions of people and that being one of the reasons of miscarriage. So, though you are bubbling inside to tell everyone you are silenced by the thought of something bad is going to happen. But don’t you worry whenever you tell your friends you are pregnant they will understand why you didn’t tell them earlier.

Now, when I was in my third month I was shaken by news of me and Sanjeev moving to the States. This news was also received with a mixture of emotions as we were thrilled at the idea but at the same time we were a bit worried about how everything is going to turn out. My parents though happy about Sanjeev’s good fortune but they were distressed by the fact that their only child (that’s me) has to be away at this time in her life when she needed them the most. Sanjeev and I were very concerned also so we started having long conversation about whether I should stay back in India with my parents or accompany Sanjeev. After much thought I decided to accompany Sanjeev as it was his child after all; I couldn't be so selfish as to leave him behind and experience all the wonderful moments myself but I wanted him to have his share of excitement and relish the special moments that was yet to come.  

Irony seems to be my second name from the start, when one makes an exit another one is just around the corner. So, now I am in the midst of two ironies; so, typical of meL. Deciding wasn’t enough I guess; now we had a few items to do before we leave.  Being pregnant (and according to my doc, high risk pregnancy), we had to pack not only for our trip but also pack all our things for shifting and that was really a nightmare for me. But all is well that ends well and finally we did everything.

Apart from the ironies, I had the privilege of being pampered by Maa and Bou for two wonderful weeks. Firstly Maa and Situn arrived and Maa cooked all my favorite delicacies, I really enjoyed them while eating but my owing to my disastrous acidic bouts I puked them out in a few minutes :P all her efforts seemed to go in vain. But she still didn’t lose hope and cooked for me. 

Next came Bou and I was taken on a shopping spree to buy maternity clothes. She also took me to the parlor and my senses were rejuvenated (oh!!! I enjoyed that). Bou also cooked me some of my favorite dishes but a much simpler and more digest-able with less spice and masala which was a blessing for my sick stomach. I even got an idea from her not to eat to my fill at a single go as that would upset my tired digestive organs but to eat consistently at equal intervals so as to avoid both gastric and acidic bouts. Oh!!! Yes that helped a lot and my stomach sighed a relief of thanks to me, and I to Bou. J 

When finally the third month came to an end, I couldn’t wait another day to tell everyone and I sent a mail to all my loved ones to notify that (at long last) I was pregnant. And that’s when congratulations flowed in and with it came all sorts and kinds of advices.

So, finally my First Trimester came to an end relieving me of all the possible casualties associated with it. I had reached my 1st Milestone and that was really a great achievement. JJJ 

N.B : Sanjeev, I could have never crossed the first phase without your support and comfort. You were always there for me whenever I need you, before as well as now. I love you.

Bou, thanks for that parlor trip as I enjoyed every moment of being pampered and my senses were completely rejuvenated.

Maa, thanks for the home cooked delicacies.

Second Month: The Journey Begins…

By the time I got to know I was pregnant, I was into the second month of being pregnant. The realization was over whelming and a mixture of feelings took hold of me; as I was too excited with the realization of being pregnant but I was apprehensive of what was going to happen next as well. I guess this is the feeling that every ‘First Time Mother’ has.

The news not only had thrilled us but my parents were also entranced by it. My mom, who is always very prompt in everything, handed me a list of ‘Dos & Don’ts’ of pregnancy. She was very adamant about me being cautious right away. But ‘me being me’, the carefree idiot that I am; I practically ignored that important piece of advice. But later on something happened that changed my prospective altogether and made me cautious at every step.

I was never a bookworm but the thought of being pregnant made me grope through the pages of pregnancy books and ‘Google’ the internet for any and every information on pregnancy.  I wanted to be well informed and to know what to expect and when. In my attempt I learnt a lot of medical jargons related to pregnancy. I even calculated the expected due date (EDD) of my baby. (he he… couldn’t wait for the doc, Google baba ki Jai!!!).

It was time for my doc visit, and when we saw him, we found him as enchanted as we were. But he was worried owing to my previous health condition; therefore, he instantly decided to have a USG done with a prescription of the necessary medications for the initial three months.

The idea of USG at this early in pregnancy created tsunami waves of anxiety within us and my parents but all we could do was do as the doc says. So, we waited. At the appointed day we found ourselves waiting for my turn at the radiologists table biting nails off our fingers. Finally it was my turn, and with trembling feet I dragged myself to the radiologist table; it wasn’t like I didn’t want to know about the baby but it was like if something was wrong or if I wasn’t pregnant (all stupid thoughts, couldn’t help them then though).

The radiologist’s expression made me more nervous and I just wanted to run from that room. But couldn’t do that, could I? Now I am laughing but I was scared to my bones then. So, I waited silently as the radiologist scanned me. I was all cold by the time she finished her scanning. She then turned the screen of the USG device towards me and there I saw a little figure clutched inside what seemed like my abdomen. Yes, that was my ‘Little One’. 

What I felt then was beyond words. I felt my eyes filled with unknown tears and my body swell up with unfelt emotions. Those emotions triggered a deep sensation within me of being a mother, and believe me that was something awesome at the same time it was mind boggling. When I tried to describe the picture to Sanjeev later (as he wasn’t allowed into the radiology room with me, damn the radiologist :X), I found I couldn’t do justice and felt guilty to have left him behind. But when the USG report came, he understood my emotions as I could read his face, it was filled with excitement beyond words just like me.

When the report came it was a relief for the doc and my mom that I was carrying a single fetus (but I wanted twins… boohoo… but I was happy with the fact that ‘one bird in hand is better than two in the bush’). Now, the doc fired away instructions to me as to what we should do from there on. He also warned us to be cautious as first three months were crucial and that there might be a chance of miscarriage if we didn’t take the proper medications and precaution. That was when my carefree attitude went down the drain and a new conscious and cautious attitude took its place instead.

So, the second month had brought a drastic change in me as I awakened to the new (for me) motherhood feeling with the preview of my Little One and an engulfing sensation of responsibility as the life of my tiny Little One entirely depended on me now. Then I knew my journey has just started. JJJ

N.B : I remember when I showed my USG  picture to Nilu and Maa(my choti mausi), they both had mistaken the Umbilical cord to be the baby’s tail :D, I have a good laugh at it whenever I remember this.

First Month: The Unknown & The Unexpected

Most of the women who have never been pregnant before often are unaware of the fact that they are pregnant in their first month. A lot of analysis and tools are available now days over the internet to find out the date of your conception but you can never avail them unless you know that you are already pregnant. So, we know the how part of the pregnancy but the when part is difficult to establish and by the time you find it you are already pregnant for at least a month.

And I was no different from those women. A month had already passed when I got to know that I was pregnant.

Usually, we ladies are ignorant or turn a blind eye to all those signs and symptoms of pregnancy till the disappearance of our chums. Then the anticipation starts until a urine test confirms that we are pregnant. So, it’s a fact that we ladies often miss all the thrills that the 1^st Month of pregnancy holds.

So, when I got sick and puked my intestines out, I just thought that I might have got food poisoning (ha... how should I know otherwise...). I remember when I told Nilu (a very close friend) about my stomach being upset, she suggested that I might be pregnant, but ‘me being me’, it didn’t make me suspicious of anything (how could I have been suspicious when I had been ditched by destiny before; refer ‘Prior to Pregnancy). Days passed by and my sudden rushes to the restroom became more frequent with massive acidic bouts but I never had nourished the idea of being pregnant.

Days flew by and finally the day came when I realized I had missed my chums. Anticipation rose, hopes were heightened; but I had to wait for another couple of days before I could take the dreaded urine test. That day too arrived and a nervous I walked into the restroom clutching the Pregnancy kit tightly. (I don’t intend to mention the gross details of how I performed the test... let us just say I did it). And I waited for the results.

Minutes passed by and an anxious I was desperately hoping for a positive result. After a long 5 minutes (though it felt like a decade had passed) I looked at the pregnancy test stick, and there it was a faint line stating I was pregnant. Time froze. Tears streamed down my face as I could hardly believe my luck. I was too terrified to believe that I was really (in a huge way) pregnant. So, I kept aside the stick, washed my face, cleaned my eyes properly to remove all traces of sleep and tears and then I looked again at the stick; it still had the line. Now tears of joy filled my eyes as realization struck me that I was pregnant (OMG!!!).

I ran to Sanjeev stick in hand (I was afraid to lose the proof) and woke him up from his slumber shouting ‘I am pregnant’. He too woke up shocked and when he saw the positive sign on the stick, he was over whelmed just like me. He took me in his arms and said, ‘Congratulations. I love you’. I was literally shaking the whole time now, so he relaxed me with soothing sweet nothings.

So, here I was 1 month pregnant being ignorant the whole time. And my journey has just begun. JJJ

N.B: Sanjeev, Nana, Bou, Maa, Nilu, Tushar and Kajal : Guys, thanks a lot for keeping the faith in me.

Sanjeev, Nana, Bou and Maa, thanks seems such a small word for you guys. The whole trip to this phase of my journey was possible for all your soothing words, comforting gestures, unbound affection and unending prayers.

Nilu, thanks a lot for the Red Label. I think you know what I mean.

Tushar & Nilu, thanks for taking us on Dahkineswari temple darshan.

Kajal, thanks buddy for listening to my concerns and woos always and tolerating my pranks and haughty mood.

Prior to being pregnant

Few months after my marriage, when my chums skipped I was ecstatic that I was pregnant but I was not. It was okay then, as we were newly married and the romance was on so we didn't think much about it. But the next month too there wasn't any sign of chums and I had gained a few kilos. This time we thought to go and see a doc. But, believe me thats when the havoc started. The docs I met had their own theory of what might have happened to me and suggested medications, but that didn't help. My body had swelled up like a balloon now and my worried mom paid me a visit. And believe me, she had one look at me and started crying, thats how I looked (I can never forget that day). Her worries were off bounds then and she started to pull strings to find me the best available doc in Hyderabad. And she found him (Oh! Mom, you are just awesome and I love you for that).

The doc after doing a thorough check up (a series of blood tests and an ultrasound) confirmed us that I had PCOS (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycystic_ovary_syndrome). Now what the **** was PCOS, we had the least idea. So, to put us out of our misery ( or in our case to increase our misery) the doc described PCOS as an infertility constraint. And we all lost hope of me getting pregnant. And was the killer. The doc made me see a gynecologist and between them they started my medication.

Every girl after reaching puberty often wonders when the time will come when she won't get her chums anymore and believe me that had turned to be my nightmare. We (me, Sanjeev, my mom and my mausi) would wait desperately for that time in the month when I was expected to get my chums and when it came we all sighed in relief. And this went for a period of 2 years.

In those two years I heard a lot of things said about my not losing weight and not being able to get pregnant. The words had cut through me then and I don't remember how many days and nights I had spent in shedding tears and blaming myself and sometimes Sanjeev too. But thanks to the love, cooperation and understanding of my parents, Sanjeev and a couple close friends that I made it through them alright.

After that we shifted to Kolkata, there I met another gynecologist who suggested Ovarian drilling surgery. We did it. He then started me on Clomid a fertility drug and asked us to try. But now owing to my previous medications I had lost my interest in sex, the most important concept of trying to be pregnant. I was devastated then. Just think when the doc gave us a go sign, I was mentally and physically shut down, and that was just enough, even then I didn't know what to do and whom to talk to. Talking this to my mom was out of question and friends were absolute no no then whom should I turn to.

Gathering up my courage I called my cousin sister (Kumun Nani) who is quite older to me and I knew she would have a solution and also keep my misery to herself. After talking to her I felt my insecurity drain and I relaxed. Sanjeev and me had long talks that day. And one thing led to another and I was finally able to kick off all those weird thoughts and gave it a try.

But then no one had said how long should you try. I was getting impatient with each passing month and each negative pregnancy test. Even I was said I was not trying enough and that wasn't a good thing to hear (Tushar and Nilu thanks for all that consoling that day.. I really needed them). But I am a Taurean and stubborn to hell as I am, I put up with all that and kept trying.

On September 4th 2010 (can't ever forget the date), I took a home pregnancy test and lo behold it came out positive. When I saw the result I was shaking like a leaf. I couldn't believe my luck at last. I ran to Sanjeev told him and he had just got up from the bed had was shocked. At long last I was pregnant. Yippee!!!!!!!

This is the story prior to being pregnant.

The Great Beginings

From the day I learn't I was pregnant, I am often being asked my family, friends and (you won't believe) in fact total strangers 'how are you feeling?'. I always smile back and reply that  I am fine or good or awesome but that isn't one-tenth of the emotions and sensations that I feel. 


I had often thought of penning down my feelings in the last few months but believe me words and expressions have deserted me when I need them the most. And thats not all, because even these days tiredness as well as laziness have got better of me and my urge to sit back and write has gone down. But as I am nearing the end of my pregnancy  I am wondering if I might lose all those wonderful feelings that I have felt in these 9 months. I know I am nuts as no woman in this world can forget those special sensations and feeling. But me being me, I had to get a grab on my vocab and find back my urge to sit up and pen down those wonderful and special moments. 


But frankly speaking it wasn't only me who wanted this moments journalized but even my hubby Sanjeev wanted the same from me. He had been nagging me forever now to get to writing but again me being me, didn't do anything about that. But thanks Sanjeev, I owe you this and I love you for always being there for me. I also thank my friends Kajal and Tushar for extending their expectation of me to write these sensational moments. Even I can feel my baby kicking with excitement as I am typing now. :)